Families that are in business together represent a large segment of the United States. There are great benefits to being in business with family. For instance, the celebration of accomplishments and the meeting of goals are very rich as a family together reaps the rewards of the hard work. Another great benefit of families in business together is that usually commitment to growth and success is understood and felt family wide. As a family pursues dreams together, they can actually experience closer relationships with one another. So, you can grow a business and develop closer relationships with immediate or extended family, whoever might be working with you.

Allow me to share a word with you that will make or break you in business and in family relationships in business, that word is intentional. Businesses are developed intentionally; rarely do you find a business that has become successful by accident. If you have, chances are it will not stay that way.

Do you think of sustained positive circumstances happening by accident? No, we work so that circumstances get better. This is a fundamental principle of leadership and life, really. Family relationships are to be intentionally developed. The workplace represents a wonderful place for this to occur. Obviously there are boundaries that should not be crossed regarding family relationships at work, so, allow me share just a few with you.

1. Never have a family argument in the presence of non-family members at work. Take it outside. Save it for later. Whatever you need to do short of homicide or suicide, spare the employees from way too much information. If this is a consistent problem, I want to suggest that you get some help and figure out why that keeps happening.

2. Under no circumstances should you try to get your co-workers to take sides. The end result of this type of behavior, even if it starts out innocently, is that people will dread you coming to work because of the politics at play. Spare them and give your company a chance to develop a caring culture.
. Make no special deals for family members. This is a real culture destroyer and a resentment grower. Everyone should be treated fairly at your business. Cutting deals, giving breaks or overlooking discrepancies for family members will lead to co-workers feeling offended and they will get you back. One of the worst ways of getting you back is that co-workers who are offended begin to withdraw from the organization. Usually it is one of the first to occur too.

4. Never lead with your emotions in family situations at work. There are more emotions involved than just what occurs at work. It is too difficult to tell the difference in what emotion goes with what happening, so go slow. Remember: IDD, Identify your emotion, Detach from the situation, Decide what you want to do.

Here are some other thoughts to encourage family relationships at work:

1. It is a good idea to let others know that you are family. Allowing others to see that you are in a family business and that you honor other family members in your business will give co-workers a sense of stability and hopefully add to the family culture you are trying to develop. In the case of husband/wife partnerships, showing affection in the workplace is good. Make sure that it is not overboard and offensive to others. Again celebrating the relationship is good, developing the relationship is necessary, maybe you might even model to some what a healthy relationship can look like.

2. Talk about being a family in business. One of the best ways to find out how other people feel about being a part of a family business is to ask them. You might find out that that person has great admiration for you and your family, or that they are concerned about your family, others may not give it a thought at all. Either way, you will be the better for it by knowing. You might find that the thoughts and concerns of other people do inspire you to be a better family member.

3. Create a code system. Let’s face it, in human relationships there are times that can be very difficult, to say the least. There are times when home stuff leaks into work. We try not to let this happen, but sometimes it happens. This can be very difficult when the person that you are sore at is at work with you. We can’t help it, it is inevitable, at times we bring our luggage to the workplace. No one wants to see the family luggage opened up in the middle of the workplace. In those times, it is important to respect where your family member is and not push those buttons. Do your best to honor them by giving them space to process their emotions and let them do their job as excellently as possible.

4. Be wrong once in a while. We would all like to think that we are right all the time. Unfortunately, we are not. There is a lot riding on our shoulders as business leaders and we try to be right as often as we can, not for pride’s sake, but for longevity’s sake. In our good intentions to do and be right, we are mistaken more than we realize. It is a wise person who can receive correction. It is a wise and prudent person who can receive correction from family members in the workplace. Those family members often could have picked better words, better places to say it, and a better time to say it. Be thankful they did. It is a wise, prudent and humble person who can weed through all of those words and extract the truth… and receive it.

A family in business together is a fantastic thing…if you make it so.

Be intentional!

David Speicher, MA, NCC, LMHC
CORE, President and Founder